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What is Meant For You Won't Pass You

Since I became pregnant with Hudson there have been very few times where this blog has called me to write. I have been so caught up in motherhood that my blog has taken a backseat in a sense.
I come to it when I have a fun idea to share, a hilarious toddler story to tell, or like in this case, when my heart is just so full of Mama love that I just have to put it on paper.

For those of you who do not know, I will give you a little back story to catch you up to the emotions my heart felt today.
About 3 weeks ago, I was offered a new position at my job. This would include a pay raise and much more responsibility than I could handle just working from home and few nights a week.
I had been on the fence about enrolling Hudson in child care, but still just didn't know if either of us were ready for this step.
I have been a helicopter mom in a sense that we have let a very few handful of people watch Hudson in his 16 months of life. This list includes family and a family friend who we hired part time as our Nanny to watch Hudson in our home in his comfortable environment one day a week. Up until last month Hudson has never slept away from either of us, and has barley ever been someone else's care for more than 5 hours while I had a quick work meeting, or on the rare occasion we actually take a date night.
I know, it's a little ridiculous, but I just like to be present, and the mom guilt when I am not is REALLY real, but I've been working on it.

However, when I was offered this position I knew it would involve me needing to return to work 3 days a week, during normal business hours, but I didn't hesitate in taking the position. Almost as if it was a no-brainier, and just meant to be.
The reality set in later when I started having the conversation with my husband about touring the "school" we had been researching for Hudson. My boss had allowed me to take as much time as I needed to work out childcare and to just return to work when I wanted, so why was there a need to jump in? Why was there a need to go tour a school RIGHT now?

I still just didn't feel we were ready for this.

Hudson and I made the appointment to tour the school at 9:30 on a Monday. When we walked in it was so clean, and each room was so brightly decorated with educational decor. The director gave us a quick tour and brought us to Hudson's room, where he would be placed had we chose to go there. When we walked through the gate of the room Hudson clung to my leg and wanted nothing to do with any child nor any toy there. My heart sank a little, but I was much more positive than I thought I would be. The child to teacher ratio was so small and the one-on-one the kids were receiving was encouraging to me. Hudson timidly watched from behind my back as the other kids played, but after a few minutes of observing he started to inch forward..and further forward...and further forward, Until he was across the room, sitting with the other kids as they read a story. He took in the scenery and the other kids so organically and he fit right in.  As Hudson played, the director and teacher began to ask questions about how many days a week I would like to have him visit, and what times I would prefer. When I informed her of our hopes, I followed with the question "how long until we could start?" and her response was "we have an opening for him to start Wednesday if you like!"

Like 2 days Wednesday? No way. I hadn't even prepared for this, but  my response came out of my mouth without even thinking.
"Can he start Wednesday of next week?"
and there it was. We were enrolled in "school" and Hudson would start 3 full days a week.

I still was NOT ready for this.

We bought a backpack, a lunch box, the necessary supplies..and that next Wednesday was here before we knew it.
I couldn't sleep the night before as I watched his sweet face sound asleep on the screen of his monitor.
I was NOT ready for this.

The first day we arrived 15 minutes early and sat in the car. I kept repeating "YOU are going to have SO much fun with all your new friends!" "You will love it!" as he laughed in the backseat.
I wasn't sure if I was reassuring him or myself, but it seemed to be working for the both of us.
When we arrived inside and I handed him over to his sweet teacher who was ready to brace for the waterworks, and he began to cry, very loudly, as he held his arms out for me to take him back.
My heart broke in 2000 pieces and as another person tried to tell me "he'll be alright!" I myself was not. I had to leave the room before tears fell down my face, and as stupid as it sounds...they did.
My whole 20 minute drive to work I would cry. It wasn't sad tears. It was a mixture of guilt tears and tears that he was growing up too quickly and HOW did we reach this point? Was he not just born yesterday?
Time is moving to quickly, and I am STILL not sure we are ready for this.

The day at work seemed to drift by at the pace of a snail. I wanted nothing more but for pick up time to be here so I could hold his sweet self and tell him how much I missed him....I still felt so guilty for just leaving him in a place where he knew NO one. The guilt was so strong in my heart.
Than once again, in the perfect timing,...I received 5 pictures from his teachers.

Pictures that showed that he was having the time of his life. Every picture he grinned his gorgeous baby smile and didn't look like he had a care in the world.
and in that moment I KNEW.....

WE were ready for this.

Though the back story itself of this story was about 5 paragraphs long, it needed to told to really understand why today was SO important in my Mama life.
Because I am sure there are moms out there like me who have felt or are going to feel this mom guilt of work/no work? Less work/more work? Childcare/ no childcare? SAHM/Working Mom?

Today, Today was what everything that had just happened had lead up to. Today was the voice I needed to hear telling me I was making the right decision. That I wasn't a horrible mom, and that I wasn't messing it all up.

I held Hudson's hand as we walked in the school. He walked confidently thorough the halls smiling at everyone as we walked by.
We arrived at his classroom....
He didn't cry.
He didn't hold out his hands and ask me to pick him up.
He didn't look at me with nervousness or a timid grin.
He let go of my hand, and he RAN to his classroom, and he didn't look back.

I would be lying if I didn't say that I was a little taken back and maybe a little heartbroken that he wasn't going to even realize I was gone.
but I was SO SO SO happy that he had found this place to be happy when I am out doing something that makes me happy too.
We were ready for this.
He was ready for this, more than we ever even knew we were.

So if you feel you are failing, if you feel you are being selfish, if you feel that you are NOT making the right choice.
You probably are, you just don't know it yet.
The reassurance will come in a form when you least expect it, and it will be worth the anxiety, the tears, worth the the internal struggle.
It will be worth the mom guilt, and it will be probably one of the best choices you made for each other.

Just love them unconditionally, the rest will fall in to place from there.
You are doing a great job Mama, I promise.

Tips for Flying With a Toddler

 Disclaimer: I am not a travel expert and all of my flying experience with my child has always been through Delta Airlines, I am not familiar with other airline child polices or procedures. This post was not SPONSORED by Delta in anyway, this is all from my own personal experience and opinion

We just returned from our four day mini-trip to visit some family in Minnesota. The flight was about 3 hours, and though  this was Hudson's 8th time flying, it was his first time since he has learned how to walk and become MUCH more independent
Flying with a toddler/baby isn't easy or wonderful, but it also isn't as scary or crazy as sometimes we may think it will be. These tips and tricks have come from experience of flying over the past year and half and each time I think it gets a little easier for the both of us. 

1) Relax
First and foremost, just try to relax. Kids can feel when we are tense, and when we are tense they are tense. I am the worst at this, my anxiety is always high while flying, and it becomes even higher when you are stressed out about how your child is going to act sitting in a super small space for a long period of time. Believe me it's a huge stressor but just try to stay positive, and make it a positive experience for your child as well. 

2) Request comfortable seating.
Every time I fly I approach the flight desk when arriving at the gate and I inform them that I am traveling with a child and would like to request an open seat next to my seat if possible. This allows you more room to move about if your child is wiggly while on your lap, it allows you to keep your bags on the seat during the flight to help you grab items easier, and it also allows extra room for your child to play. There has never been a flight where I was not granted this option. However, flights do get overbooked and jam packed, so this may not always be the case. 
During these requests Delta attendants have also upgraded my seat to economy comfort on multiple occasions to allow more room as well. Seriously, I cannot say enough good things about this airline. They are so child friendly. 
I have only flown Delta my entire life, but I am sure other airlines are just as accommodating for children/parents as well. 
3) Bring Entertainment
Toddlers obviously need to be entertained. So bring books, your ipad with their favorite movie, TV show, or games. Bring their favorite toy, ANYTHING that will keep them busy and hold their attention.
Our last two flights we had TVs on the headrests in front of us, this allows us to watch Zootopia and keep him entertained for most of the flight.
4) Snacks/Drinks
My toddler likes to eat. So snacks really kept us sane on the last flight. Grapes, fruit, goldfish, crackers anything that is easy to handle and keeps their little wandering hands busy will do! I also suggest bringing milk/water/juice for them, especially to drink during take off to help protect their ears with the elevation change. 
5) Ignore the Negative Nancy's
I think the biggest stressor for me while flying is the people who consistently complain about having to sit by a baby/toddler during the flight. On our flight home yesterday two fellas made it very clear they did not want to sit by us. One even wishing the other "luck" on having to endure a toddler the entire flight..
Well, guess what. My toddler slept, and those two disrespectful dudes quietly enjoyed their in flight free movies with no distraction from us. 
I could obviously tell they were not parents because they would have known that flying with a toddler is stressful as it is without people being rude or disrespectful.
I promise that these people are not on every flight and that the good always outweigh the bad.
Each flight Hudson makes at least 3 friends who keep him busy and entertained and who truly enjoy his presence. So don't let the bad apples ruin this experience for anyone in your party. 
6) It's Okay if It Doesn't Go Perfect
If your baby screams the entire flight (this has happened to us too) just keep your cool and try to calm them the best way you know how. Feel free to walk the aisles a bit if need be. Flying and sitting for a long time is stressful. A baby screaming may sound loud to you, but the loud white noise of the plane helps drown it out to others. Apologize to those around you just to be courteous but I promise you most will smile and tell you "it's okay" that they have been in your shoes. 
Have Fun and Good Luck! 

#FitnessFriyay: A Inspirational/Fitness Link-Up (#2)

Happy Friday, or I should say FriYAY!

So as I stated last week we are going to do a little fun and fitness link up here every Friday, if you missed the post you can catch up on the main mission right here!

This has been an awesome week for me! I started a cleanse last Friday which really the only "rule" of the cleanse was absolutely NO caffeine. So no Sweet Tea, no iced coffee, no soda. Which all of that was really good because I saved money by no daily Starbucks trips, I quit soda completely, and I drank a CRAP ton of water which is something I have always been horrible at. 

The cleanse went well. I ate 6 small meals throughout the day. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner, as well as 2 snacks and really did not even work out because I am trying to get eating right down first as this is my BIGGEST downfall. 

So as for my results...I lost 7 pounds! Just by cutting out soda, eating right, and taking the cleanse 2x a day for 7 days. 7 pounds is a small number in my grand scheme of 50 pounds, but it's almost 10% of my goal in one week. I get most of it is water weight and that I need to start my workout regimen this week to keep up with my progress. I am just excited because all know that "diets" suck and falling off the wagon happens QUITE often (at least for me) but this early success was just extra motivation to keep trucking and keep making progress!
Hopefully next week I'll have some progress pictures to share! 

If you are interested in the cleanse I did you can purchase it at Complete Nutrition or from their online shop, here!

So how did your week go? Big goals? Little Goals? Progress or a fall back? We are all in this together and the only thing we should all bring to the table is to try our best and encourage one another!
If you would like to share your journey with me (and others) I would love for you to link up a blog post, an Instagram feed, or just maybe even one Instagram picture to share your progress with us!

***I was experiencing an issue with my account to create a proper link up. While I work on the problem please leave your link in the comments below** Sorry for the inconvenience I will have it fixed by next week. ****