It has been a LONG time since I have opened up the "new post" tab in blogger.
Longer than I wanted, longer than I ever intended, but here I am.
I don't even know where to truly start.
A LOT of things have changed around here on Life:Oceanside.
We'll start with the new look.
I wanted something completely different from my previous designs, because let's face it, life is just majorly different these days.
Let's segue in to the fact of how different life is, as I now have a ONE year old
Was he not just born yesterday? Man, they do NOT joke around when they say it flies by, because it truly does.
However, I think the one thing that has changed around here on the blog the most is...me.
I have been absent from this blog for well over a year, if not longer.
I decided when Hudson was born that I wanted to focus on being a "mom" and that I would take a break from the blog.
However, I didn't just break from the blog, in a sense I took a huge break from my life in general, and to be honest it has been so much harder to find my way than I ever intended.
Let me start this post by saying that becoming a mom has been the greatest gift, blessing, joy, adventure I have ever been given. I would not trade anything in this past year for anything in the world, but with that being said, becoming a mom has also been truthfully one of the hardest things for me.
In the past year I have devoted myself to being the best mom I can be, but while doing that I let my role as "Mom" become my whole being. I let titles like "blogger" "writer" "dancer" "social butterfly" "boss" "employee" and most importantly "wife" slip out the window. Hudson became my sole focus, and while he should be, I forgot to remember that I need to take care of myself so that I can take care of him better.
I let learning how to become a mom consume my entire life, and I started to push away things and people that I loved without even realizing I was doing it.
Maybe it was a form of postpartum depression, but I didn't ever feel depressed or sad.
I didn't even realize I had done these things until recently when I woke up one day and realized that I was not even one ounce of who I used to be, I had been so focused on being "Mom" that I had lost track of how to be "Hallie".
Transitioning in to motherhood is glorious, it is beautiful, it is more than you could ever describe in words...but it is hard, and I think that it gets overlooked sometimes. We focus so much on this blessing of this beautiful baby that we forget who we were before they came in to our lives, because honestly, what was a life before they were ever in it. I cannot even imagine how I lived before he was here with us, but I know that I did, and I lived well.
I am finding my new normal slowly, and one promise I made to myself was to start writing again. Blogging and writing had been my biggest passion and my biggest hobby for so long, and it was truly the best form of therapy I have ever found, and I do contribute my sense of loss of self to pushing it away when it is so badly such a part of who I am.
I am working to be more adventurous. We used to spend days on the boat, travel to new cities, explore our town, try new restaurants, but since we have had Hudson I have focused on the things that I know, the things that are safe, and the things that don't feel out of my comfort zone, and I think this has made me just become too "comfortable" in life, and my big sense of adventure is pushing so hard at my chest to just break free. I can see in Hudson's personality that he is just as adventurous as myself, and just like Porter. I want to embrace that in not only myself, but in him. So I am working to try new things as a family.
I am working on my body.
Whoa...I could write a novel on this subject and I am sure it will be a big topic on this blog to come.
I gained 80 pounds with my pregnancy, and my body not only after all that extra weight, but a c-section as well, is NOT anywhere it has ever been before.
This has truly taken a huge toll on my self-esteem and my image of myself. None of my clothes fit, I didn't feel attractive to my husband, and I didn't love myself. I would feel bad about myself, yet not do anything to change it. It was a vicious cycle, and I just can't do it anymore.
I have began doing small workouts at home, and when the Florida heat is not trying to kill everyone with heatstroke I try to jog with Hudson in tow, and these are the little things that I see make such a difference in my everyday feeling of myself. I feel more powerful, I feel more energetic, and I am now WORKING to be a better me, which makes me feel like a better me.
I am working on being a better wife.
My husband is a saint.
I hope he is reading this, and I hope he knows how much I love and adore him.
I think this year has been the hardest on him than it has on anyone else.
I am working the hardest on this title, and this goal, because he deserves the best, and I need to be my best for him.
Ladies, remember to love your husband a little extra than you did the day before. Being a mom is tough, but being a dad is tough too, and I don't think they get as much credit as they should sometimes. Make time for him, make sure date night is a priority. I think it's so easy to fall in to the role of "Mom and Dad" that "Husband and Wife" easily takes a back seat.
I am so thankful for him in the unconditional way he loves not only me, but the way he loves our son is more beautiful than I could ever place in to words. I am a lucky girl.
This past year has been hard in a lot of ways, but it has also been the most beautiful ride, I am finding myself, my new self, and though it's scary, it's also exciting.
This post has had a large amount of babbling, but it was just one of those posts that I needed to write.
If you are new to my site, I am happy to meet you. I wish I had some picture perfect outfit to share with you and an amazing home tour to show off.
However, I am just a down to earth, real life mom with a messy house, too much laundry, a post baby body, and mostly just a work in progress.
If you have been here before, I am super happy you are still around, and I hope you can grow with me in this crazy journey to find my new "normal" (if normal even still exists ;)